Thursday, October 10, 2013

Our 6 Month Old

 I don't really know what to say.  This month has been a bit rough and I think that is ok to say but not always easy to allow myself to think.  My beautiful, curious, smart and sassy little girl wants to be attached to me day and night and while I am flattered, it is taking it's toll.  She is desperate for me, every minute of every day and it makes me wonder if that means I am doing it wrong, or right or if I ate too many cookies while pregnant with her or if I am not giving her the right kind of attention or stimulation or that she has low self esteem or that she is too demanding.  Any and all of it my fault.

Sigh.  Mommy guilt is alive and well in our house!

But. Guess what else is happening?  Grayson and Revi have developed their own language of sorts.  They babble back and forth and laugh hysterically and then start all over.  Then they reach for each other and hold hands and then more laughter and then more babbling.  It just doesn't get any better.  It doesn't.  Their bond is already apparent and I am just hopelessly in love and breathlessly watching it unfold.  That pretty much sums it up:

I am hopelessly in love and breathlessly watching it unfold.

My life is a dream and a whole lot of work.  And there are tears.  Almost every day.  Both happy and  and bittersweet and also tears of frustration and sometimes even moments when I know that I cannot go on another minute.  And then I do. And then I am proud.  I know that I am giving every single ounce that I can to make their life healthy and beautiful and interesting and educational and clean and fun and well, a life they will remember fondly.  And that makes me know that a moment has not been wasted, and that makes me happy.

I am so intrigued by my little girl.  She and I share a bond that is intense and still unfolding.  I am both amazed and overwhelmed that I get to experience having a daughter.  Especially one as fierce and soulful as Reverie is.  She is unlike any other person I have met.  She is captivating and demanding and beautiful and whip smart.  She will leave a deep and lasting impression on the world.  Just watch.